A few weeks ago, I received a message from a very close friend. He’s been married for more than thirty years, but his message was heavy: things had become complicated with his wife and he was starting to question the relationship itself. It was incredibly sad to hear, especially for a couple who have been together for such a long time.
In this video, I want to share a simple routine that TK and I have been doing for about two or three years. It’s a practice that has truly made a difference in how we navigate our life together.
Whether you’ve been together for two years or thirty, life has a way of getting busy. Between the kids, work, and endless projects, it’s easy to end up ‘flat out like a lizard drinking’, an old Aussie expression I love. Before you know it, the week and the weekend have flown by, and there’s no time left for each other.
About two years ago, some close friends suggested a routine they call the Passion Planner. It’s a weekly sit-down to discuss the things that actually matter. TK and I implemented it every Monday before lunch, sitting at our regular “meeting spot” to touch base.
Here is exactly how we break it down:
- The Sandwich: We start with a “sandwich” of feedback. We share something positive we’re grateful for, one thing that could do with some improvement, and we finish with another positive. It’s a safe way to address the “pebbles in the shoe” before they become mountains.
- The Previous Week: We share a quick update on our key projects and what we’ve been up to. It ensures we’re actually across each other’s lives.
- The Big Rocks: We look forward and discuss the most important things coming up—the non-negotiables that need our focus.
- The Calendar Sync: This is the logistics. We synchronise our calendars to make sure we’re both on the same page with the week’s schedule.
- Anything Else: A catch-all for any other thoughts or feelings on our minds.
We aren’t perfect. Sometimes we miss a week or keep it short. I tend to be more scripted while TK prefers to “flow,” but the impact has been huge. I feel much closer to her because of this shared time.
One of the biggest benefits is conflict management. If something annoys you, rather than snapping in the heat of the moment, you can go away, think about it, and discuss it calmly a few days later during “sandwich time.” (Not that I ever annoy TK, of course!)
So, my question for you is this: Is it worth sitting down once a week with your partner for a discussion that goes deeper than just “what’s for dinner?” If you tried the Passion Planner this week, what is the first “sandwich” you would share?
This is this week’s Work Smarter: Live Better tip.
You have a lovely day and a lovely week.
À bientôt,
Cyril
