A few weeks ago, my daughter Fleur was back in Sydney for ten days. She moved to Whistler a few months ago with her boyfriend Taylor to experience life in a different culture for a year or two. It’s an amazing experience, and TK and I have really encouraged it.
As we were driving them back to Sydney airport, I couldn’t help being the “annoying dad.” I think I said something about her scrolling on her phone. She looked at me and said, “Papa, I’m not as disciplined as you. I don’t meditate in the morning. I don’t have all your routines. I spend hours scrolling where you limit yourself to ten minutes. But I’m happy. And I don’t think I’m less happy than you.”
I stood there and really had to give her the point. I kept thinking about it for a long while.
In this video, I want to share what Fleur’s challenge made me reflect on regarding happiness and what really drives it.
I work with very busy leaders, and I’m fairly busy myself. Most of my clients are juggling high-pressure roles, family, and financial obligations like mortgages. I’ve always been the one advocating for the importance of routine and discipline. But how important are they really for your happiness?
There is a fascinating study by Harvard, likely the longest study on happiness ever conducted, spanning over 75 years. It showed that happiness has almost nothing to do with wealth, status, money, or even health. The number one thing that creates happiness is the quality of your relationships. Not the number of likes you get on Instagram, but having a few strong, deep, and meaningful connections.
On reflection ,Fleur might not have my discipline, but the quality of her relationships is incredible. In just a few months in Whistler, she has built an amazing community. When she came back to Sydney, her close friends took her away for a weekend to celebrate her. Her best friend, Latika, was in tears the day she had to leave—I even had to console Latika when it was time to say goodbye.
It made me realise we are on a scale. I’m on one extreme of super-discipline. Fleur is on the other, being more “fast and loose.” TK is somewhere in the middle.
We always laugh because when I go away, TK says the first few days are a celebration because she doesn’t have me telling her it’s 9:30 PM and time for bed! But after a few days, she’s ready for me to come back and bring some order.
I’ve realised that it’s the Fleurs and the TKs of the world who bring the spontaneity, the laughter, and the unexpected. They bring depth to life. I need those people in my life, and I’m so grateful for them.
Routines are important—I’m still going to keep mine. But they aren’t everything. The depth of our relationships is, in my view, much more important. Fleur actually sent me an email a few days later with her own reflections on this. She’s allowed me to share it, so if you’re interested, you can click the link below to have a look.
>> CLICK TO SEE FLEUR’S EMAIL <<
So, I ask you this: How much energy are you giving to the quality of your relationship? Are you so busy being disciplined that you’re missing out on building and nurturing important relationships and having fun?
This is this week’s Work Smarter, Live Better tip.
You have a lovely day.
À bientôt,
Cyril
