Last week, I shared a very touching message I received from my daughter Fleur. She’s currently living in Whistler, Canada, for a year-long experience with her boyfriend, Taylor, but she was recently back in Australia for ten days to attend a wedding.
As we were driving them back to the airport, Fleur turned to me and said: “Papa, you’re the most disciplined man I know. You meditate every day, you go to bed on time, you have strict rules about your phone. I do none of those things, and I’m happy. I don’t think I’m less happy than you.”
She said it with so much love and total honesty. She even sent me a follow-up message with more of her thoughts, which I found fascinating. It’s made me think deeply about the implications of that conversation. You can download to see her message HERE
In this video, I want to share what this discussion and Fleur’s letter made me realise about the nature of discipline.
The first thing to be really clear about is this: yes, I highly advocate for discipline and routine. I’ve built an “ideal week” and daily habits that I rely on. But here is the truth—I am not as disciplined as people think. Not by a long shot.
I have a discipline not to eat sugar, yet I love chocolate and I fail miserably on a regular basis. I have a discipline to limit my Instagram scrolling to ten minutes a day, but sometimes I fail and spend far too much time on it. I have a discipline to start my bed routine at 9:30 PM to be asleep by 9:45 PM. I don’t always hit it. I am far from perfect.
However, I believe discipline serves a vital purpose, especially depending on your season of life.
The leaders I work with are incredibly busy. They have massive responsibilities at work, young families at home, mortgages, and endless commitments. In that season, discipline makes life easier because it removes the need to constantly make decisions. It keeps everything from falling apart.
But here is the most important lesson I’ve reflected on: Discipline should be a tool, not a value or a moral standard.
The wrong question to ask is, “Am I disciplined enough?” That implies a moral judgement.
The right question is: “What discipline or structure serves me right now, in this season of my life?”
Fleur is in a season of discovery, spontaneity, and laughter in Canada. She doesn’t need the same structure I do. I am at a different stage of my career and life, and the leaders I coach are in the full heat of theirs. Each season requires a different set of tools. It’s not about being “perfectly disciplined”; it’s about choosing the structure that best serves you at this exact moment.
So, I ask you this: Do you have the discipline that actually serves you best at this moment of your life? Or are you, like me sometimes, being a bit too extreme with rules that no longer fit your season?
This is this week’s Work Smarter, Live Better tip.
You have a lovely day.
À bientôt,
Cyril
